Monday, December 24, 2012

I've been asleep for the last two days.  The 'sleeping migraines' are coming more often and lasting longer.
I must be getting in shape for 'the Big Sleep'.
Steve is angry with me for not being able to keep up with him, but if I get up I throw up.  He doesn't like that, either,
Stumpy stays in bed with me , and her comfort is good for me.
I've done very little in preparation for Christmas, except to put up a tree and do the yard nativity set at Creekside.  I think Steve hates Christmas.  He grumbles about having to do anything for decorations, he doesn't like the music, and he doesn't like to shop for presents.  He never seems happy with the things I get him, and he never gets anyone else anything.  He's just an old Scrooge.
This will probably be my last Christmas, and it's depressing for me.  Steve will probably just throw away all my decorations after I'm gone.  My blow mold set alone is worth thousands of dollars, but he won't want to fool with it.
A lot of tradition will be gone.
But I'm here now.
For a while.

Monday, December 17, 2012

I've had another of those 'sleeping migraines' for the last two days, and been in bed almost all the time.
The insurance company that provides us with our medications says I don't need Nuvigil, and if I don't take it, I'm so sleepy that I can't function.  I talked with one of their nurses, a very pleasant lady named Yolanda, and she was convinced that I need it, and she's going to see if she can get it for me.
We talked for almost two hours.  She's a really sweet lady, and lives in a Craftsman House.  She subscribes to The Old House Journal, and uses the information she gains there for her projects on her house.  She, like me, cruises salvage yards for vintage pieces.  She has a contractor who is dependable, and I envy her that.
There are good people everywhere, if we look for the good in others.
Judy, my favorite niece, graduated with her Master's of Science in Nursing yesterday.  I'm so proud of her.  I so wanted to go to the ceromony, but I was sleeping all day.  She sent me a picture of her in her cap and gown.  I told Steve that I want it printed on good paper, so I can frame it.  She's one of the best nurses I've ever known, and, aparently, others find her skills worthy, as her school has already given her a teaching position.  She will be training nurses from RN (graduate) and BSN (Bachelor's of Science in Nursing) to the Master's Degree status.  She's been a Med Flight nurse for a few years now, and they have to be really sharp.
One of my nurses at Thompson's confided to me recently that she's 'burned out' with her position, and wants to move into another branch of nursing.  That's at Thompson's in Morristown, and one of the classes Judy will be teaching is at Walter's State Community College in Morristown.  I'm going to try to get Della to check out classes with Judy.  They've met, as Della was the nurse who first interviewed me for chemotherapy, and Judy was with Steve and me.  Judy remembers her, and Della will surely remember Judy.  Perhaps I can get them together.  Della is a wonderful nurse, and Thompson's often sends her to some satelite position, as she can 'bounce' to other locations with ease.
Janie had to carry on without me in getting the fellows to work on Saturday.
Her grand daughter's man is working some for us, and I've got to really liking him.  He's dedicated, and Janie put the fear of God in him.  She told him that if he disappointed me, she'd fire him herself.
Dena LaTulip's son, Colton, is also working for us, but he's not as inspired, though he works pretty hard when Steve is there to push them.
The plastic-covered cold frame barn is now down.  It had some damage from high winds, and it looked so bedraggled and gave so little shelter that we decided to take it down, which greatly reduced our dry storage.
Steve gave me the go-ahead to start a real garage there at Creekside, and I hope to get something under way before the spring rush.
Janie and I saw Cherokee last week, and she would hardly speak to us, except to whine about how sick her mother is.  She's been really sick for a long time, and they've called in hospice now.
Shawn is out of jail now, and he's staying with Tina, Janie's daughter.  They rent a trailer from Adrian Kamer, an old friend of mine, and he is really pleased with all the work Tina has done to improve things there.  She's a good housekeeper, and Shawn is really handy with the building trades, so there has been a good improvement to Adrian's place.  Shawn is a nice fellow, and I'm glad that he and Tina have each other.
My front bridge (teeth) came loose on one side last week, but Dr. Fouch and his staff were out of the office, and I just had to be VERY careful.  I hope they can work me in to see if repairs can be made sometime today.  I have had, in the past, the terrible experience of having all four of the front teeth to come out....in a restaurant.  At that time, one of the 'anchor' teeth had broken off at the gum line, and we had to go with a 6-tooth replacement.  If it came out, I'd look like I didn't have a tooth in my mouth.  HORRORS!
Janie and I took Barbara and the Queen Mother their Christmas gifts on Friday, and I took a blow mold nativity set to give Barbara.  We set it up in her front yard, but she didn't have a long extension cord, so it hasn't been lit.  We will take a cord and light it for her today. 
That is one of the secret projects I had been working on for the last week.  I bought it at the Rutledge Goodwill, and it was in pretty bad shape, so I repaired it and gave it a pretty good coat of paint, using mostly nail polish, so it would be nice and shiney, and the paint would last longer in the weather.  It's not a huge set, but Barbara's other one had melted in her house fire a couple of years ago, and she missed it. She lives right on 11W, so all the world that passes by will see her witness.
I looked around while we were there, and I saw quite a few little projects that could make her home more energy-efficient and better for her and Elizabeth.  Janie and I will have to go down there some day and put in a 'work day' for her.
I have been keeping a close watch on the Rutledge Topix forum.  A man has announced that he will be running for sherrif, and I like what he says.  There's a lot of talk about him, and a lot of it is not based on fact.  He has sent me and a friend of mine a huge file of his work and many awards from his long carrer in law enforcement, and I'm very favorably impressed with him.  I jump to his defense every time someone says something negative about his work.  I have a friend, Oak Tree, who has also researched his background and had extensive phone contact with him, and we both have thrown our support to him.  The election is not for two years, but it will take a lot of effort to defeat the 'good 'ol boy' system around here, which needs to go so badly.  The present sherrif has quite a few lawsuits against his department, and several more looming.  Grainger County just can't afford him anymore.
I'd say that the Renfro family will sue the pants off him for the way he treated Ruth and Sue.
He's been an expensive learning experience.
A good friend and neighbor, Muriel (Merle) Daniel, is very low.  She's been sick for years, and has had the prayers and love of our community poured out to her.  I talked with Creed, her husband, last week, and he cried when talking with me about her.  He's a very successful lawyer here in Rutledge, and his son, Dirk, is coming right along in his father's foot steps.  They're neighbors on both ends of town, the seniors living across the highway from Clairemont, and Dirk and Lori living across from Creekside.  I've known them most of my adult life.
Shannon said that she saw my post about Lucy Ferguson Smith last week.  She attested to the fact that Ferguson was a great instructor and a fine lady in all her conduct.  She lived a good, long life, and was helpful in starting the carreers of many young people.  I was gifted to know her.
I think Dorothy Myers Reynolds is not doing so well, either.  Someone told me they saw her, and that she looked pretty bad.  I can't imagine her not looking well and pretty.  I've always thought her to be a beautiful lady with a great deal of poise and grace.  She must be pretty low if she's letting her appearance slide.  Her yard is kept nicely, so I guess she's pushing Ted and keeping him busy.
Our neighbor lady at Creekside, Sandra Jones, often walks over to say hello and to remind me that they are keeping me in their prayers at New Blackwell.  She's a very quite lady, and rarely has company, but she's warmed up to me somewhat.  She's really nice, and keeps her yard and house as neat as a pen.  She's got everything decorated for Christmas, and it looks so nice.  She works hard to keep things the was they should be kept.
I often wonder how Betty Pike does with her yard and house.  She's getting a few years on her now, and Pa Pike is not around anymore to keep things up for her.  She's a work horse, and will give all her efforts as long as she's around.  She has such a nice house and yard, and keeps it so clean.
Stumpy has forgotten her litter training, and has taken to leaving little surprises all over the house.  I don't know what the problem is, but she's going to have to quit that.  We had another cat some years ago that we could not litter train.  We finally had to make him an outside cat.  I'd really like to keep Stumpy in the house, as she is so affectionate with me, and is such good company.  She's really small, and I'm afraid that the other cats might pick on her if she was outside.
Steve is up now, so my computer time is over for this morning.















s

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Yesterday was pretty bad for me.
I had another of those 'sleeping migraines', when I couldn't do anything but sleep.
I was supposed to go for chemotherapy, but every time I sat up or stood up, I threw up.
I had wanted to get chemo through with before Christmas, but it's not going to happen now.
Maybe New Years.
Times are getting pretty bad all over for almost everyone I know.  People are coming to me for jobs and financial help all the time.  I wish I had a formula that would solve all the problems people have, but I don't.
This country, as we once knew it, is over.
I got up early this morning.
I'm working on some projects that I'd like to get finished soon.  I always have projects going of some type, but the sickness and the exaustion of the chemo limits me so much.  I can't even concentrate on what I'm doing most of the time.
I was talking to Glenda Lakins Monday about the cancer woes.  Her husband, 'Puddles', died of colo-rectal cancer five years ago.  She teared up while talking to me.  He had so many of the same problems with his chemo that I'm having.  He was on the Grainger County Commission, and I think might have been a member of several other county bodies.  He was a small man, but big in his ways.
She now works at the Down Home, but had worked at Breedings Restaurant in Blaine for many years.  Breedings is now gone, and there is a Weigel's going to be built there.  They are bringing beer to the City of Blaine.
I saw in the KInoxville Obits that Lucy Ferguson Smith had died.  She was one of my instructors at Joseph's School of Cosmetology on Gay Street in Knoxville many years ago.  All the students loved her.  She had won many awards and accolades in her long hair design history.  After I left Joseph's, I often saw her and her husband at Heath's Cafe on Schofield Avenue, and we would sit together and talk some about all our shared interests and history.
Dorothy Myers Reynolds, who did my hair for many years, also went to Joseph's.  He trained many very good cosmetologists.  He had been the president of The American Hairdresser's and Cosmetologist's Association for many years.  He developed the 'cold wave' concept in home permanents.  Before that time, permanents were given in salons, and the patron had to sit under a large bonnet contraption that had long leads to heated curlers to make the hair wavy.  As could be predicted, lots of accidental disasters occured, and Joseph's concept of the cold wave was welcomed.
I still have my hairdresser's kit from those long-ago days.  I don't get rid of much.  Consequently, I have too much junk.
Joy Cox commented once to me that I still had everything I had ever owned.  She was being nice.
Neuropathy is being a real problem for me.  My hands feel like I've put a coat of paint on them.  They feel like they've gone to sleep on the skin, but the muscles feel like I've put them into a fire ant's nest.
I can't control them very well anymore, and when I play the piano or type, I feel so clumsy.
I was playing the other day, and I came across Rock of Ages.  Marge, Steve's mother, had asked me to play that for her once, sometime long ago.  She cried when I played it.  That's an old memory now.
There was a high wind night before last, and it blew over all my blow mold nativity up at Creekside.  I told Steve that the yard was full of wize men who had got falling-down drunk.  That wouldn't be wize, though.  Even my little make-shift barn blew over.  We were there working late, and we heard all the thumping as they were tossed about all over the yard.
Sister Valentine called me one morning, and we talked for over an hour and a half.  We needed to catch up on everything and everyone. She loves her new sunroom she had built on the back of her house.  Steve told me to get the phone number of her contractor and get him to build me a new back porch at Creekside.  The one there is very small compared to the one at Clairemont, and I'd love to have more storage space.  We may be able to salvage some of the old lumber from the one that's there, but I have lots of lumber to use if we can't. 
It's cold this morning.  We had a heavy frost when I got up.  It almost looked like snow.
There was a fire on Joppa Mountain last week, and it burned for several days.  I haven't heard how much forest was lost, but I'd say there was a pretty good amount.  It's hard to get to some of those areas, as it's really steep, with gullies and wet-weather springs.  The roads up there are all winding and crooked, so I don't know how the traffic got by with the smoke and fire trucks in the road.
Steve is cooking bacon for breakfast, and it smells so good.
He's a real help to me.
Barbara is still fat.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I've been very sick and sleeping for two days.
I don't know why I have these sleeping days, as I've always had trouble sleeping.
I can't stay awake for long when these spells come on me.
I don't know if it's related to the chemo or the cancer, but I hate feeling so useless.
My hands feel like they're asleep all the time, and they hurt like I've put them into a fire ant's nest.
I'm beginning to feel like death would be some kind of release.
I'm trying to not be so much trouble to Steve, but I know he must be awfully concerned, as he's never seen me like this.
My hair is still coming out, and I look terrible.  I feel like I should become some kind of recluse.
I can't eat most of the time, and I'm losing weight again.
I couldn't make it to the chemo clinic this week, and I'm so glad to have to pass on it for another week.  I don't feel any better about it, though.
I'm trying to decorate for Christmas, and make things look better.  Steve put some lights on the outside of Clairemont and down the driveway, but they don't match, and look kinda sad.
Janie and the man who is working for us sometime are going to get the lights on the overhang of Creekside tomorrow I think.  It's far more public, and will look nice for Christmas.
I've already put some decorations in the windows of Creekside, and it looks festive already.
I so wish we could get that project finished. I've tired of it.
Nothing makes me feel good anymore.  I've been too sick for too long.
I'm going back to bed.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Yesterday was my birthday.  I had one of my 'sleeping migraines', and didn't do anything but lay in bed most of the day.
Steve was also tired, and he kept me company.
It's pretty cold this morning, and I didn't sleep well last night, so I'm starting my day really late.
Bill calls often to see how I'm doing.  I think he's afraid I've come unhinger over the election fiasco, but I noticed that gun sales are way up since the election, so other people seem to be feeling the same trouble coming that I do.
Last week, Ruth and Sue Renfro were arrested and jailed because they had a car that looked similar to one driven by a hold-up man that robbed Oakie's Pharmacy in Blaine.  Sue is in her 60's, and Ruth must be about 90, or close.  Ruth's son, Jimmy, is the Road Commissioner for Grainger County.  He went to his mother's house as soon as he heard that Casper had called out a swat team to get these 'really bad' old ladies.  I've known Ruth well for many years, and I don't see how anyone could think that she would be able to pull off such a caper.  Sue is 'slow', and lived with Ruth.  They tried to tell the police that they had not driven their car for several days, and showed them that the motor was cold.  Sue even offered to take them to a man's house that had a similar car, but they arrested her and her mother, anyway.  The persecution of Christian white people has begun.
If Casper and his band of crazies come here, they won't find a sick old woman who will go along to get along.  They'll find a Bitch with a Bun who has lots of big guns, hair trigger nerves, and is a pretty good shot.   ...and a good neighbor named Creed Daniel, who will get her off.
I've been battling the Hong Kong Flu for almost two weeks, but I think it's finally about to leave.
I'm supposed to have chemo tomorrow, but if I'm still sick, Dr. Corcoran won't give it to me.  I don't even want to be around all those other chemo patients, as I might make them sick.  We have no resistance to illness while on chemo.
My washer burned out it's bearings.  It's a Whirlpool Duet, a front loader, and was stacked under the dryer.  It was a nightmare getting it out, and the bearing costs over $200.00, so we've decided to use another one that I had bought for Creekside.  Steve wants to re-do the laundry room, but I wish he wouldn't.  I designed the one we have, and I liked it the way it was.  He never finished projects, and I can just see me being without a washer for a month.  When Steve is home, I do a couple of loads every day.  There are just too many other things that need to be done.  He still hasn't put the trim around our front door on Clairemont, and we've lived in this house for 16 years.  He hasn't put the closet doors on the closets in our bedroom, and we've had them for about 8 years.
Janie has an MRI scheduled for today.  I hope all goes well with that.
I need to get off here.
Oh, Barbara is still fat.

Wednesday PM

That wreched nigger is flaunting his 'win', which is actually a corruption of the electoral process.  He makes me want to throw up in my mouth.
He has ruined this country.
I had Steve take down the American flag out on the bluff, and I sewed a four-inch trim of black around it, flew it upside down, and at half-mast.  I am very aware of what has happened to this once great nation.
I got my chemo pump again yesterday, and I'm so sick and sore all over.  I hurt so badly.  I must have pulled something or lifted something heavy, because I've got my post out of place, and it was really hard for Tammy to get the IV needle inserted.  She had to push and twist really hard, and I'm bruised and sore all around it in particular.
A new nurse was there to get some experience in the chemo unit, and Penny asked me to let her use me as a guinea pig, and for me to instruct her.  Her name is also Penny, and I quipped that now we had two pennies to rub together.  She made a few small mistakes, but was competent, and I wanted to be patient with her and encourage her in her new ex[perience.  She has been a nurse for 21 years already, but had no experience in a chemo unit, so I had a unique experience in helping to train her.
After my treatment was over, they had me to address a new class of training LPN,s.  They looked so professional in their whites, and I encouraged them to keep wearing whites.  They probably won't, as nurses have forsaken the old uniforms for much more casual attire, which I hate.
I've slept most of the day.  I either sleep a lot or I'm in pain when I have the horrible pump in.  The cats keep me company, though.
Stumpy lays against my neck and snuggles her mom.  Sweety is more stand-offish.  Stumpy often sits on my neck as I'm on the computer, and she's here with me now.  She's a true cuddler.
Janie and I are planning the decorations for Christmas, and we're hoping to make Creekside look really great.  We want to have a Christmas dinner there for a celebration.  It would be nice to get some more work done before the holidays, but I'm so weak and tired all of the time, I can't get any more done.
I'm depressed a lot, both because of the election and the death of our country, and my illness and inability to do much.
I don't hear much from Lynn anymore.
Mary Douglass is coming tomorrow.
The house is dirty and needs her good work.
I met a fellow at the chemo clinic yesterday who had on a shirt from the IGA in Bean Station.  We talked briefly, as he had brought his wife in for treatment.  She looked bad, and he told me she is a 4.  There's not a five.  She's metasticised   all over, and is terminal.  I asked him if he knew Mary Douglass, and he said that they're related.  It's a small world.
Peggy Smith, a local lady from Rutledge, has had to start chemo again, and asked me to pray for her.  She cries all the time, and is a nervous wreck.  She goes to Fort Sanders for hers, and I told her that if she would come up to Morristown, she'd be much happier.  I give her  a kiss each time I see her.  She's battled cancer for many years. At Morristown, we're just one big happy family.  We grieve for the ones we lose, and we rejoice for the ones who are finally released.
I have only two more treatments, and Steve insisted that I take them.  Janie promised him that she would get me there, kicking and screaming if necessary, to finish the schedule,
My hair is still coming out, but I have just enough to look like I've got a hair-do.  I don't have any hair that is more than 6-8 inches long, and it's trickey to get it to look nice.
Chris Watson worked today with Janie , and got the John Deere tractor home to Clairemont.  We need it here for scraping the driveway this winter.
I don't know what good it will doWe could just as well drive on rutts, for the short time we will be allowed to live on our own property,  Otto and Eddie have been through this before and are terrified and despondandt.  Many are afraid to say anything at all.

I'm 'woozy' and a little confused, so I'm going back to bed and try to rest a little.  Perhaps the girls will comfort me and try to keep me safe.
I feel terrible.
Steve has no patience with me when I'm troubled, so handle it the best I can, and get Janie to help me along.
Cherokee has made the statement that God is making me an example.  But she has her ib up on rPeople are pulling at me from all directiob .
Time to get to bed. The drugs are getting to working.

It is horrible beyond words what has happened.
That wreched nigger squatter has been given 4 more years in the White House.
It spells the end of this great country, and I am despondent.
I've taken to my bed, and I don't know at this point if I will ever be able to walk the streets again.
I'm going to discontinue my chemotherapy, and I now wish to die a lingering death at the hands of some cancer, rather than see this once-great country awash in blood as the demons from hell drag all us Republicans from our homes into the streets and tear us limb from limb.
Steve begged me to go to Creekside with him to work some today, but I couldn't.  There's little use in trying to do better, if all that I and other good people do is taken from us and given to deadbeats, whores, bastards, and liars.
I feel that my life is over, as are the lives of all others who have stood against the decline of this country and the morals which once guided us. 
God has turned His back on us, and we are being led into captivity.  The white wage-earners in this country are soon to be enslaved by the niggers, spicks, and welfare classes of white trash, and we will be worked only as long as we hold value as slaves, then butchered and probably fed to their dogs.
America has become a vast unmarked shallow grave.
We are lost forever.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

I guess it's time to post again.
I just talked with Judy, my favorite niece, and she told me that her graduation ceremony is on December 16, at 2:00.  She's getting her MSN, and I'm so proud of her I could just pop.
She's planning to go for her PHD next, and I will fully support her dream of doing better and helping others.
My chemo has been pretty bad this time.  I'm losing touch sensation in my finger tips, which is a bad sign of side effects.  My doctor, Dr. Corchoran, tests me each time I see her (every two weeks) to see about the sensation, and I was doing alright until this last chemo treatment.  My hair is still coming out, not too much at a time, but I've collected a couple of shopping bags now, and the end is not in sight.  The double-whammy of the cancer and the chemo are about to finish me off.
Steve is still wet-nursing me all the time, and it's really helping me a lot.
I've started to re-gain some weight, and Dr. Cochoran is extatic.  She told me that she wished half of her patients had the attitude and determination that I do.  She says that my spirit does as much good as her medicines.   But my spirit doesn't cause me to lose my hair.
I took Sheila, one of my nurses, some water-filled shoe liners this week.  She and I wear the same size shoes, and I had shown her some that I was using.  She took her shoes off and put them in right away.  She was so pleased that I had brought her something.  All my nurses at Thompson's are such delightful ladies.  There's such a good spirit there.
Janie and I went to Habitat for Humanity in Dandridge yesterday and got some really good deals.  Steve and I needed a new mattress, as my side of the air bed had sprung a leak.  We got a really good buy on a kind sized mattress.  My friend, Ann, who is the manager there, gives me really good discounts.  I had told Janie on the way over that if they had a piano or organ in the shop, I could get a better price.  I always set up and demonstrate their music instruments, and sinse I only play gospel, Ann stands beside the instrument and sings the songs I play.  We have good times, and she is glad that someone is there to make the most of their instruments.
Janie and I had gone to the Habitat on Merchant's Road in Knoxville on Friday, and I got some really terriffic buys there, too.  The former assistant manager is back.  He's the most delightful black man, and is a pastor of a United Methodist Church in Clinton, Tn.  He just gives me any small article that I want, and drastically cuts the prices of other things I might want.
I got some 2' wide insulation, some wall studs, a beautiful etched-glass storm door, a nice wooden blind for Janie, some marble window sills, some styro-foam insulation panels, and lots of small items.  He only charged me a small amount for all my things, and Janie and I were really proud of our shopping experience.  It's worth the trip to go there when Kevin is on duty.
Janie is the only person we employe now, and she and I have about decided to just work together throughout the winter, doing only small jobs, both because of my health and our inability to do much heavy lifting.
We got the cows at Clairemont into the corral and had Ed Boling to haul them to the auction for us this week.  I am not able to care for them as I should, and Steve is gone so much, and has other work on him with my care, so I decided to sell them.
The beef prices are down, but we still made a nice amount from them.
Steve is pretty pretty proud, and he really likes the new mattress I bought, so he was grinning like a possum last night.  His attitude has been patient and more gentle, and I pray that it continues.
I haven't heard much from Lynn lately.  I hope all is well there.  She was having a flare last I heard.
I'm still sewing a lot.  I'm re-doing a lot of tops and things, some for myself and some to sell in my shop.  I use fabric paint, beads, sequins, lace, fringe, and a host of other materials to make the shirts and tops unique, and a teacher at Jopppa Elementary asked me last when I would open my shop and offer some of my creations to the public.  I think I might do alright, and Lynn told me that I should do really well with my creations.
My Brother sewing machine was giving me a little trouble with the zig-zag attachment, but my New Home has a killer zig-zag, so I think I'll just set it up for zig-zag, and let it do the work it's best suited for.  I have a pretty nice little sewing corner up in the day room, but I need a little better light.  I probably could use a better prescription for my eye glasses, too, but I'll bet I get the lights before I go to the eye doctor.
Steve is going to put a set of gas logs into the fireplace up there, so I will have it even nicer.  I spend quite a bit of time up there now.
Well, the sun is shinning, and I have wet laundry to hang outside, so I must go.
Oh, just to make mention, Barbara is still fat, she smells bad, and her momma dresses her funny.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Bill says to post more often, as that's how he and Marge keep up with Steve and myself, and all our activities.
I feel like I don't have activities any more.  I go to doctors all the time, and feel so badly that I don't do half of the things that I used to do.
Renae Luttrell left me a sweet comment on my last post, and she cheers me.  She's the manager of our local Goodwill, where I spend a lot of time and quite a bit of money.  The ladies there are so nice to me, and give me good prices on things I buy.  They and I agreed last week that if Renae left, the Goodwill might as well shut down.  She is the leader of the pack.
I'm planning to change the decor of the upstairs of Clairemont.  I'm going to put all my artificial flowers, feathers, bows, and hat decorating stuff into the 'wood room', where I presently have Ruth's bed, and change the 'Day Room' into my sewing room.  I've really got into sewing again, and I've found several really nice sewing machine cabinets (cheap) lately, and I'm going to arrange my sewing room like Carla Lewis has hers.  She has her sewing machine cabinets going out into the room like a work station, in an 'L' shape.  It's really efficient, and puts the sewing machines right under the overhead light.  She can go from one machine to another by just rolling her chair to another site.  She has sergers, overlock machines, and several straight sewers, and she has them all arranged so nicely.  She has inspired me.
I've re-made many shirts and other garments for myself, and I'm now starting to decorate some clothing items which I will offer for sale in my shop when I open it at Creekside.  I've already been asked if I would sell some of my items, and I think Creekside will be a lucrative market.
Steve and I were going to eat one day last week at Down Home, and we entered the restaurant just as another couple (a young man and an older women) entered.  She approached me and asked me if I was the woman who had bought 'The Lowe House', and I told her that I was.  It turned out that she is the widow of Keith Lowe, who was the son of the original owners of the house just after it was made into a dwelling.  They joined us for lunch, and she began to tell me the most wonder and usefull information.  We plan to talk again, and exchanged phone numbers.  The younger man was Shawn Lowe, her son.  He is quite a handsome man, and has some memories of the house, also.
Steve and I were working out in the yard that evening, and Sandra Jones, the neighbor lady, came over to express her concerns for me, and to remind me that they are still praying for me at her church, New Blackwell.
I feel so tired and disinterested all the time, and I wonder if I'll ever be truely well again.  Steve does all the work around here that gets done, it seems, and it makes me feel badly that I can do so little.
My feet have been giving me a really hard time with the pain.  Nothing can stop the pain.  I limp and hobble all the time.
I wish I had never even heard of cancer.
Prevent AIDS
Cure cancer!

Friday, October 19, 2012 AM

I missed chemo last week, as I had a terrible cold, and they want you well to have chemo.
I still have some slight cold symptoms, but they're not as bad, so I delayed my chemo until this week.
I have all the side effects this time as I had when I first started chemo, with the muscle cramps, nausea, dizziness, and disorentation.  I want to sleep all the time, but I sweat so badly when I sleep.
I've had to change the bed and my night clothes from the skin out so many times.
Mary Douglass came yesterday, and the house really needed a good cleaning.  I don't feel like doing anything, and things pile up and get dusty.  She's so good and dependable.
Bill and Marge called yesterday to see how I'm doing, and Bill told me I need to post again.
My life now seems so boring and dull compared to what it was before this terrible illness.
Judy called last Sunday to meet for breakfast at Cracker Barrell at East Town, and it was one of those mornings that I had a 'sleeping migraine'.  I forced myself to go along, but I couldn't eat, and had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom and throw up during the meal time.  Judy was quite concerned about me, and gave me some anti-nausea medication that she had along.
She called that evening to see if I was better.
She's such a good, sweet niece.
Our big, built-in refrigerator is 'on the blink' again.  I told Steve that I'd just rather get a conventional one this time, as it's so much bother to replace one that's built-in.  We're shopping for one, but I'm in sticker shock.  I would be satisfied with a good used one, but Steve wants a bright, shiney new one with three doors.  They're high as a cat's back.  The one in the rental trailer is making a funny noise, too, and we're replacing it with a new one.  It's size dictates that it won't cost near as much as the one we're getting for Clairemont.
Lowe's is supposed to deliver it tomorrow, and we're keeping their old one to be for emergency use.
Tom got upset with Janie over some small issue and quit.  I'm so stressed with disease, exhaustion, and worry that I'm about ready to shut down Creekside for the winter and just wait until I'm better to work on it any more.  Janie is what keeps me going.
She is out of commission right now with some disorder that hurts her side and back.  She also has a huge kidney stone that they've put her in the hospital for.  They're going to try to 'blast' it, hoping that it will break up, but if that doesn't work, they're going to do surgery to remove it.
I worry about her.  We're both getting older and sicker all the time, and I don't know what I'd do without her.  She's a great help to me.
Lynn called me twice lately, and I was either in a doctor's office or on the way to one both times.  That seems to be the order of my life these days.
I found a new robotic cleaner for the swimming pool, complete with hoses, at a Goodwill.  They're quite expensive, and I was glad to find a used one for a good price.  Our old one was about worn out.
My beautiful Java Green peacock died last week.  I only have two females now, and Steve is trying to get me to give them to Ada Davis.  I think I will.  I'm just putting off getting up there and catching them.
She's been a good friend for many years, and helped me a lot in the past.
Everyone seems to be doing well, except me.  I'm tired all the time, and can't get enough rest.
My hair is breaking and coming out again, pretty badly.
I hate chemo and I hate cancer.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Cherokee says I need to update my blog, and I've been lazy about it lately, so I'll take this opertunity to post.
Steve is home, and has some really ugly tendonitus in his left knee.  It has his whole leg swollen, and he's on some crutches I had out in my garage for just this purpose.  He is quite clumsy with them, and knocks over things all over the house.  We took him to Doctor Duck the morning after he got home, and Doc gave him some injections in his knee which were very painful (I had to hold him down), but ineffective.  Doctor Duck thinks it's gout, but I had told Steve it was tendonitus even before he got home on Thursday evening.  He brings on these bouts with tendonitus by sitting for too long at his computer and tucking his feet under his desk chair.  He's tucked in with a renewable ice pack on the sofa as I write.
Things have gone very slowly at Creekside.  The chemo keeps me weakened and tired all the time, and I can't be there to keep everyone busy and inspired.  They seem to be riding the clock.  I finally told Tom to take this last week off, because he's getting on Janie's nerves and making more messes.
After Janie had cleaned the upstairs getting ready for wall paper, he took Steve's cut-off saw up to the day room and set it up to cut wood trim.  It created a horrible mess, and Janie was livid.  You could see the dust in layer even on the walls.  Then he used a wood-cutting blade to cut and fit the marble window sill for one of the rooms.  That made Steve mad.  I have a water-table tile saw, but he said he didn't want to use 'that thing'.  The water guard was lost long ago, and it's messy, but that is what it was designed to do, and that is the proper tool for cutting stone, tile, and marble.
Everyone is angry, and I'm the one in the middle who is taking all the fire.
Stucco gave me a fair price on repairing the overhangs on the house, and I was able to 'Jew' hin down to an even better price.  It's local work for him, and I'm willing to deal with his trauma-dramas.  It's good for both of us.
He's doing a pretty good job from what I can tell at this point, and we're such good friends.  Cherokee comes and brings Steven, their grandson.  Cherokee can't get Steven to obey her, but he does just what I say.  When I tell him he can't do something, he'll stand and stomp his feet and scream at me, but he doesn't do it, either.  Cherokee just turns her head so Steven can't see her and grins.  He knows that I'll get up and go get him and smack his little legs if he doesn't mind me.
He's a beautiful little boy, and has an incredible amount of energy.  I don't know how Cherokee manages him.  He clings to her, and cries if she wants to go to the bathroom or leaves him, even to walk down to her car to get cigarettes.  It will be a melt-down when Shawn gets out of jail and he and Tina (Janie's daughter) take Steven to live with them.
They are so much in love, and Tina goes to the jail to see Shawn every time she can.  Shawn has got saved while in jail, and it sounds like a genuine conversion in some ways, but he and Tina are planning to live together without benifit of clergy after his release.  Tina says they are going to attend church together, and I asked Janie how that might fly with a minister.  She says that the church shouldn't judge, but I told her that judgement had already been made about that matter.  God said that we shouldn't do it, and that's final.  To observe that someone is not doing God's will while professing His name is not being judgemental. 
Janie and I are in the process of papering Steve's office, which was Maude Lowe's bedroom years ago.  I say we are in the process, because when we papered one wall, the dust from the saw on the landing outside the room had so coated the wall that the wall paper came loose and buckled terribly during the night.  The work will have to be repeated, but we have a lot of that paper, so all is not lost.
Mary and Lawrence came to visit me week before last.  I'd say that she had to make him come, as he just doesn't visit.  It was good to see him...and HER.
Mary is a good head of our family, and takes her responsibilities seriously.  She makes peace and keeps us in line as much as she can.  God always knows what He's doing.
I have some stepping stones that I've promised her, and I need to get them on the truck and get them out to her and placed before winter, when there will be so much mud.  She, as a heart patient, can't lift so much, and I, with my tempermental port in my right subclavien vein, am not supposed to lift.
I don't know how we'll get this accomplished, but there is almost always a way to get things done if you're willing to work at them.
The court date for Randy Reagan, was somewhat disapointing.  He got time, but it is to be served while he's serving the time for the crimes he had committed before he broke into our home.  I got a judgement for $35,000.00 against him, but I don't know how the court expects me to get anything while he's serving seven years for his crime.
The white truck is giving some trouble (nothing major) and Steve wants to take it to Jefferson City to get it fixed at some dealer there.  It's going to cost $300.00 there, and I told him that Gordon Treese could do the same work for much less.  He still wants to go to the dealer, so I guess we will.
The City Council of Rutledge has decided that Dwight Bull has to have his parking lot paved that services his new restaurant, and is fining him $50.00 a day until it's done.  He said that it will cost him $18,000.00 to get it paved.  There are many businesses in Rutledge that do not have paved parking, and I'm intrigued that they have singled him out for prosecution.  I don't like the man, but fair is fair.
As luck would have it, just as I'm writing this up-date, I've been interupted by Stucco, needing some materials.  I think I have them stored in our storage locker, so that means that I have to get dressed, fix my hair, and go to the other side of Rutledge to the locker and try to find what he needs.
I'll try to get back to this and write more later.

Saturday AM

I'm up ahead of Steve, so I have a little time to post.
Sister Valentine came up this week to deliver some pants she's hemmed for Janie.  Jamie, as everyone else, has taken quite a shine to Sister Valentine.  I think everyone loves her.
She had also hemmed a dress for me.  It's a Leslie Faye, which is one of my favorite brands of dress clothing.
Chemo was not so bad this week, as Dr. Corcoran lessened sonme of the dosage of one of the medications that was causing the burning in my mouth and hands.  They both still burn, but not as badly, so I am more at ease when eating or touching anything cold.
Work at Creekside is going slowly.  Tom is doing a great job on the window trim, but he's having a hard time fitting the wood around the windows because of the brick sills, which stick out into the rooms.  He's going to have to grind them down a bit, and doesn't want to do that until the floors are finished, as the dust will get into the seams.
I think Steve and I will be finishing the floors this week-end, and carry over into Monday and Tuesday.
Janie is going to be off until Thursday, as there's little she can be doing.  She said that she would come by to check to see if the grass needed mowing.  We like to keep the yard looking nice there.
I got a good deal on a small Singer sewing machine at Goodwill this week.  I haven't had time to try it out yet, but it looks nice, and has all the 'bells and whistles' that I have on my Brother that I bought several years ago.
I've still been busy altering my clothes to fit me better.  I've always enjoyed sewing, but I rarely have the chance, and this terrible illness has given me the impetus to do some.  I used to make my clothes, but I wouldn't want to wear anything that I made now.  I can do alterations, though, and I stay busy with it when we're home and I'm not busy with other things.
I think Steve misses me when I'm upstairs sewing, as he comes up often to check on me.
I got some silk flowers at the Family Dollar, as they were 40% off.  They will be useful for decorating my hats.  The Cancer Resourse Center loves them, and are always glad to get more of them.
Dennis and Nancy Acuff saw us at the Down Home last evening, and they thanked me profusely for the hand-painted flag I had left on their door for Nancy.  She had always wanted a picket fence in front of their house, so I painted a flag that had farm scenery, fronted by a picket fence.  I had taken it to them a couple of weeks ago, but had not found them home, so I left it on their door.  She said she just loved it.  She's a sweet lady, and I'm glad to give her something nice.
Stucco got the stone put around the front door at Creekside, and it looks really nice.  He also repaired the stucco on the columns, and installed the porch railing.  He did a good job, and it shows well from the street.  Steve and I painted the stucco repairs last night.
Georgia Knoght's obituary was in the Knoxville paper this week.  She had managed the store for the Knoxville Rescue Mission many years ago that was near my house on 4th Avenue.  She lived across the street from me, and was a good neighbor.  Her son, David, held her funeral, as he is a minister.  He was just a young boy the last time I saw him.  All the old houses on that block are now gone, including the one that I had owned.  There are many memories from that block and that time.
Steve tried some new chemicals in the fish pond in the yard at Clairemont, and the water is clear and nice.  You can actually see the fish now.  It looks so good, I hope he will keep up his efforts.
Janie got the Cadillac cleaned up while I was in Chemo on Tuesday, and it looks like a new car.  I'm not one for keeping a car clean, and Steve is not, either, so it was nice of Janie to do that for us.  That car has sure been a good one.  Cherokee now has one exactly like it, and she loves hers, too.
It's time to get off this computer and get to work.  I'm going to do some sewing until Steve gets up.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

I've been bedfast for the last two days.  This chemotherapy is the closest to hell I ever want to get.
I hurt all over, and my mouth and throat is so sore that I can't eat.  I think all this sleepiness is some sort of migraine, but I'm not sure. 
My chemo doctor is worried about my counts.  My cholesterol is over 600, my triglycerides are 2000, my blood sugar is over 300, and I feel like it.
Steve said he can't figure how these counts are so high by my diet, and I told him it's probably my major organs failing.
I smell and taste chemo all the time, and it's the most nauseating taste, like burning plastic.
On the good side of things, Joy Cox came last week and played for me.  It was pure heaven.  She's really accomplished, and she knows all the older hymns that I love so much.  I pulled a 'fast one' on her by giving her the hymnal used by the '2X2's', but she played them like they were familiar to her.  She commented that they probably sang them slower than she was playing them, and I told her she was correct.  She sure livened them up a bit.
I want her to come again and tape her music on my recording devices.  I have a recorder that tapes 18 tracks, so we can blend her verses together for quite a nice sound.  She's a cheerful person, with a LOT of spiritual nature to her.  I've known her sinse childhood, and I regret that we have not always been closer friends.  She's quite close to Judy, my favorite niece, and has helped her along in life a lot.
Cecil and Mary, my sisters, came today for a visit, but I had to lay on the sofa so that I wouldn't throw up.  If I remain upright, I'll throw up whatever is on my stomach.
I was glad they came, though.  Cecil gave me a tiny Murano glass angel that she had bought at a yard sale on the way here.  She told me it could be another angel looking after me.
I gave Cecil one of my newspaper articles about me being the Hat Lady.  I framed one to put over my desk. 
They are down to just three of my hats left at the chemo clinic, so I need to make up some more to take them.  I've taken the rear seat of my Cadillas full to each clinic already, but they are popular, and go fast.
I bought a huge box of silk flowers from the Goodwill, and I've been sorting them out and making a terrible mess with them on the dining room floor.  I told my sisters that they'd just have to look at them.  They said they didn't mind a bit, knowing what I did with them.
I haven't got much done this week.  Steve suggested that we not even try to work on the chemo weeks, because things sometimes get going in the wrong direction if I'm not there all the time.
I was hoping that Lynn and I could put the finish on the floors this week, but she didn't come, so I rested and tried to get over being so sick.  I'm getting tired of the bed, but it feels good to get back in it after being up for a short while.
My feet got cold earlier today, and they hurt terribly now.  My legs hurt, too, but, then, I hurt all over.
Cancer and chemo is no fun.
I'm so thirsty, but water hurts the inside of my mouth and all the way down my throat.
I'm also tiring again, so I'm going to lay back down.

Tuesday AM VERY EARLY

Today went really well, with a fabulous visit from Joy Cox.  She played the piano for me, and it was like heaven.  Even Steve, who hates Christian music, loved the glorious sounds.
She promised to continue praying for me.  This evening, while Steve and I were working at Creekside, Sandra came over, hugged me, and promised continued prayers.
Lynn didn't get here, which was a major disappointment.  I wanted to be with her so badly.
She had a Fibro Flare, and couldn't drive, but she had Jim pack the car, so she will be ready first thing in the am.
Steve is taking an extra day to be with me during the lovely chemo, because I can't get anyone else to drive me home.  I so hate being a sick, disgusting burden to everyone.  I've only had three treatments, and it's already got old to everyone.
I was in such a slump this evening that I've been crying all evening.  Steve wants to know why I'm crying, and I finally told him that I just can't be 'up' all the time for everyone.  I usually slip away privately to let go of my pent up emotions, but today I didn't have that chance, and it got to me before bedtime.  I took two of Steve's tranquilizers, two of mine, and spent about 45 minutes 'grooming' Steve, which made me a lot more calm.  I'm still not ready to go to bed, and we have to be in Morristown at 8:30 AM.  It's going to be another fun-filled day of hurry up and wait.
I just WANT to wake up in the morning with a sleeping migraine.  That would be about all I would need.  Then it would be 'Off and Runnin'.
I feel like purple tomorrow, so I have a lovely pleated dress laid out in purple jacquard, a purple hat with black veil, and purple snake skin heels.
It's too bad I don't still have all that lovely Amythest jewelry to accent my outfit. 
I just don't see why they couldn't have left me alone for the short time I have left.I sure wasn't going to take any of that expensive jewelry with me,  they don't have it, and the junkies they fenced it to likely don't have a single piece of it left.  Nobody really got ahead.  It was great wealth frittered away.  Some Justice System...RIGHT!
Tomorrow is the chemo from hell, and the pump that's rapidly trying to drag me there.  Wake me up when it's over.
Well, at least Steve will still be here to get me through it.  He's such a sourse of strength to me.
I wish he'd get one of these lawn mowers going.  Our lawns look terrible, both at Clairemont and Creekside, and no one else seems to want to get them cut.  I guess I'll just have to.
I guess I need to go lay down for a while, at least, whether I sleep or not.
Barbara, I guess you could say a prayer for me.  I feel pretty low.  I'll play you a piece on the piano.

Monday, August 13, 2012 AM

It's a Red Letter Day for me!
Joy Belle Cox is coming to Clairemont to record her music for me!
I've known Joy almost all of my life, and she has a remarkable talent for piano, and I've DREAMED of having some of her music to listen to at any time for many years, and Joy, I, and my favorite niece, Judy, have finally got it all arranged.  They're coming today, and I'm in BLISS!
Judy will, of course, have to work the recording studio equipment, as Joy and I are equally akward with electronic equipment, and this system is somewhat complicated.  I've had it for about 5 years, but Steve would never operate it so that my music could be recorded and heard by others.  Now, I'm coming to the end of my life, I'm weak and tired, and there will be no more of my music after I'm gone.
But, until then, I will have some of Joy's music.
I've painted her one of my famous yard flags with her name on it, and musical notes, to display in her yard or on a porch.  I so appreciate her making this concession for me, and I want her to feel the love I have for her doing so.
She's a hat lady, and I've offered to make her a hat (or maybe more than one) for her efforts, though she said that no compensation would be necessary.  That's just the kind of person she is.  After my raving about her talents to Barbara, she asked me to make her a copy of the CD, as she also loves good, old-time gospel music.  She knows how I've longed for Joy's music for so long.
It's also a Red Letter Day because Judy is coming with Joy.  She might have to slip off upstairs to a guest room and try to sleep, as her schedule is so hectic.  She came by yesterday to catch a short nap before trying the trip home to Clinton.  She was so tired, she was afraid she might go to sleep behind the wheel.  She's always welcome.  I put her in the Vanderbuilt Suite, and she was so glad it can be darkened by having green window shades.  She didn't want me to turn down the bed for her, but shen I did, and she felt the silk sheets, she was glad.  They are a little bit of heaven, and she wound up sleeping longer than she had planned.  I'm glad to give her a little comfort.
We took her to breakfast at Shoney's in Dandridge, and she and I both ate like pigs.
I'll take the ladies to Down Home today for lunch, as my cooking just isn't that great anymore, and I want to give them choice.  I'm sure Penny Satterfield will treat us all with the utmost respect and regard.
I've tried to clean a little more on the house, so that Joy will enjoy her visit more, but I'm so weak and tired, I get little done.  Steve says he's going to Morristown to rent a floor sander (again) and re-do the floors at Creekside, so I can't count on him for anything.
Lynn is coming this evening, and the grass looks like a jungle.  I sure can't push a small lawnmower, and I'd shake my insides out if I tried riding one.  I'll just have to apologise to everyone.
It's a shame to let such a nice home look so ragged.
Sweety is in heat again, and Steve is mad at me for not getting her fixed yet.  I have so much time to worry about the heat cycles of a house cat, I just KNOW.  It looks like he's just ask some of his on-line buds how to do it, and get a razor blade and start chopping away.  Or, here's an idea, get in the phone directory, call a vet, and take her himself!
Wow!  I just don't know why he hasn't thought of that.
I hardly drive at all anymore, so that's one trip he could save me.
Well, I'll write more later, as I want to get back to work on the house.

Sunday AM

Steve got some sort of manual off the internet last night to set up my c-pap machine (which I've had for several years), and I slept like a baby.  I don't think I even turned over all night.
It would have been nice to have it during the last year of all this suffering.
I slept most of the day yesterday.  Steve took me to a restaurant in Jefferson City, and I fell asleep at the table several times.  I don't know what initiated this narcolepsy, but it's troublesome.  I hesitate to drive.
One reason might be my high blood sugar (it is) or it may be the utter exhaustion I have from the chemotherapy.  I'm tired all the time.
Steve sanded on the floors while I napped on the cot in his office at Creekside.  Even the noise of the sander going didn't disturb me.
I got an eviction notice from the legal center and put it on the door of the trailer where John has been living, but I think they might already be gone.  They didn't return a key, and they had changed the locks, so I'm now going to have to get a locksmith to go up there and get me in.
Lynn is coming on Monday!  I so look forward to her visit.  She's fun, bubbly, sweetly accomodating, and shares many interests with me.  Steve has to leave out on Monday, so we will have a girl's week of doing our crafts and going to re-sale shops. She's laways so much fun, and a great boost to me, especially now.


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sunday AM

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

I saw Chris Mannes in the Rutledge Goodwill yesterday, and she told me she keeps up with my progress (it this progress?) through my blog, so I guess it's time to blog again, for those who just might be interested.
I'm having another bout with the terrible diahrea from hell.  I'm eating Imodium, but it's not stopped it yet.
That's just one of the lovely side effects of the delightful chemo threapy.
I still can't touch anything cold, wash my hands in cold water, or drink anything cold.
I so long for iced tea, a popcicle, or a dish of ice cream.  Well, not until the chemo round is over.
Only a few more months....I think four, if all goes well.
Janie and Cherokee are mad at each other over some text messages Tina (Janie's daughter) sent to Cherokee, and supposedly, some that Cherokee sent back to Tina.
Tina has wound up in the cardiac unit at Morristown Hospital with heart palpations.  I think it probably has more to do with Shawn being in jail, and she's missing the rather obvious sexual activity that they had going.  She's also now going to have to pay her own bills, which she can't do, sinse she's quit her job and has no savings.  Shawn had been helping her with bills, and now that's gone.
Trauma Drama.
I'm going to the court house in Rutledge today to start a little drama myself.  I'm getting an eviction notice against John to get him out of the trailer.  He's not paid a cent in rent in over three months, and he just HAS to go.  He's been a great sorrow to me.  I gave him three days to get out over two weeks ago, and he responded by changing the locks on the trailer and throwing a bunch of garbage into the yard, where animals have now strewn it all over the place.  Dirk Daniel will be livid, as will Jesse, his handyman.
Steve has worked like a trooper, and got the three bedrooms and the hallway at the top of the stairs sanded and ready to prep for finish.  They look fabulous!  It's took a lot of work, but they're worth it.  I've been almost no help, as the exhaustion and fatigue of the chemo limit me so.  I can't handle the large floor sanders, either.  Also, I can't take the dust, and don't need to be exposed to anything that will make me any sicker.
I'm having a lot of trouble staying awake.  I almost went to sleep and run out of the road coming home from Morristown yesterday....twice.  I don't know if I should be driving so much.
Janie's back from New York, and she's glad to take me anywhere I need to go, but she charges me an hourly rate, and she sometimes does her own running on my time, so it can get costly.
Tom is still working out real well.  He's a little slow, but does very nice work, and we're happy with him.  He's just got his own pace, but he holds it all day, without loafing time.
He's doing a masterful job on the woodwork upstairs.
I'm about to finish painting a nice big flag which I plan to give to Nancy Acuff.  It's got a white pickett fence in it, and she loves pickett fences.  She's a nice lady, and she deserves a little recognition.
I'm continueing with my tailoring of my wardrobe, to keep myself in clothes that fit.  I got some trims yesterday at Hobby Lobby in Moristown.  I talked with Lynn last night about 'blinging' some of my things and offering them for sale when I open Creekside.  I still plan to make it a 'Curiosity Shop', and get rid of some of my stuff.  Steve will just give it to Goodwill when I'm gone, so it will be nice to get something out of it before that time comes.
I'm working on a nice little surprise for Lynn for her next visit, which is supposed to be Monday.  She keeps me excited and we laugh together.  She's like therapy for me.  She and Jim keep me in the prayers of their congregation, and I'm glad for all the prayers that are sent up on my behalf.
Joy Cox has not yet gave me a date for coming to record me some music, but that has me all 'atwitter'.  She's so talented, and I love her style.
I'd like to be able to have Clairemont all fixed up for her visit, but I'm just not able.
I'll just have to get done what I can, and not fret the rest.
Little Stumpy has spent most of the morning on my lap.  She loves to sleep on my lap while I'm doing quiet work, and I love having her.  She's my little angel.
Steve reported that the peafowl hens are now down to just three eggs.  They've probably broken some fighting over them.  Just like two women trying to raise children.
Barbara will want to have favorable mention, but she's not favorable.  She's still fat and ugly, she smells badly, and her momma dresses her funny.
She'll be calling me in a while, but I hope she can wait a little, as Steve is still in bed.

Friday, August , 2012 AM

It's thundering outside, so I don't know how the weather is going to play out for today.
Steve and I tried our hand at stripping the floors at Creekside with chemical stripper last night, and it was a lot of work as well as a miserable failure.  We have about decided to go with one of those huge belt-type sanders and fine-grit paper.  That old, dried-out oak flooring is as hard as a rock, and won't give in to just any attempt at sanding it down.
I was little help, as I stay sleepy from the chemo treatments, and I am weakened from them, as well.  I feel so useless and weary all the time.  I'm also probably weakened by not eating as much sweet stuff, as Steve is trying so hard to keep my sugar level down.  I've always had high sugar count, and being low does not give me the same energy level.  But I think it's mostly the poisonous chemo and the bodily stress from the surgeries.
We have two peafowl hens setting on six eggs, and I really hope that they will hatch some babies for me.  I'd love to get something (finally) from all the investment I've got in those birds.  Their father would be the Jave Green male, and they bring big money at farm sales and auctions.
I brought some of Clarence's laundry home with me last night, and it was so filthy that Steve told me it might as well be thrown away.  I used extra detergent, bleach, and warm water, and we'll see this morning if my efforts worked, when I take them out of the washer.  Today, I'm going to strip the bed he used when he spends the night, as it looks pretty dirty.  I don't think he was well-trained about cleanliness.
Marge Welch says she has some ribbon and a little lace she's sending me for my hat project, as well as for my own efforts towards my wardrobe re-do.  I'm having to take up some of my clothing, and I'm 'blinging' it to make me look a little less tragic and sad.  I just don't want to look as badly as I feel.
There are some ladies that have contacted me through my Craig'sList listing who have some things they want to give for my hat project.
I take almost any sewing notions, feathers, or beads, and try to make something nice for the chemo ladies and girls who have lost their hair.
Muriel Daniel has made another come-back from the doors of death, it seems.  She has been quite ill for many years, and gets very low at times, but has always recovered.  One of these times, she won't be coming home in her Lexus.  That will be a very sad day, as she has been a good neighbor and friend to all in this area.  She is married to Creed Daniel, a local lawyer, and is the mother of 'Cooter' Daniel, a local singer, and Dirk Daniel, who is also a local lawyer.  He has done well.
The Tomato Festival did not do so well this year.  I think the heat and the fact that there's almost always a bad storm right in the middle of the festivities have made people a little leery of it, and the fact that most of the merchants don't do much business.  They've had to get by without me for many years.
I got a nice get-well card from Sister Katherine Judge, one of the nuns in Aunt Kitty's order, The Sisters of Saint Joseph of Rochester.  She is a sweet little lady who has visited our home several times, and is always welcome.  She assured me of her prayers, and the prayers of the Sisters in her convent.
Stumpy just came to sit in my lap while I'm writing.  She always wants to be near me.  I love that little bundle of fur and energy so much.
Lynn didn't come this time for my treatment because she has shingles.  They're a misery to her.
I surely don't need to be exposed to them, as I have so little immunity at this time while on chemo.
Janie will be back on Sunday evening, and I'll be so glad to see her again.  I hope she's not too tired from all her 'vacation'.
I've been trying to contact Cherokee, but she won't answer her phone.  She screens her calls, and I guess she just don't want to talk to me.
I haven't talked to Barbara much lately, either, but she's so boring that I wouldn't remember it if I did.
She's still terribly fat, and pretty ugly, as well, so not talking to her is probably a relief.
She and Elizabeth will be going to the beauty salon today, and it will sure make this area a better place to have her all groomed up and looking a little better.
There's your mention, Barbara.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

This chemo pump is killing me.  The muscle cramps are agony, I'm tired and sleepy all the time, and, if I don't lay down, I throw up.  I can't get work done, and I hurt all over.
The pump weighs about 12-15#'s when it starts, but loses some seight as the medicing is pumped into me.  But not much.
Steve went down to Creekside today for a while, but he doesn't last long at any project unless I'm with him.  He soon came home, because we lost power there.  There was a storm, and lightening struck a power transformer right in front of Creekside. 
I didn't go up there, as I was so sleepy, and didn't feel like dressing and putting up my hair.
Marge called this afternoon to let me know that she has some ribbon and a few things with which to decorate hats for my chemo sisters.
I'm sleepy still (again) and need to get back to bed.

Wednesday AM August 1, 2012

There's not been as much excitement, though some at the chemo clinic.
I had one of my 'sleeping migraines' on Monday, and what would you know(?) the clinic was backed up terribly.
I kept telling everyone that I needed to lay down, or I would throw up.  I don't know if they just didn't believe me, or if they didn't care, or if they were really all that busy, that they couldn't get me into a prone position, but they had just got me layed down, and I vomited up my toe nails.
The nurse got the doctor into the room really quickly, and she said that, with me being sick, I couldn't have chemo.  That's twice that I've been too sick to have medical treatment.
I assured everyone that I would feel better after a day's rest, but they all seemed so surprised when I went in looking fine this morning.
Mother knows these things.
Two peafowl hens are setting on the same nest, so I hope the babies will have good mothering when they hatch.
Lynn didn't come this time for my chemo.  She called last night to report that she has shingles.  She wasn't aware that you could get a 'shingles shot' in most up-scale drug stores nowadays.  She didn't want me to be exposed to anything that would cause me any more misery.
I told her that I was adding to my treasure of beads every day.  I hope to be able to knock her socks off with all my new beads.
I called Steve's parents, and requested of Marge any left-over hobby supplies that she might have in her extensive collection of sewing and craft supplies.  Lynn told me last night that she's sending me some lace and materials soon in the mail.
I've got to go up by the trailer to see if John's moved out, and I predict that he hasn't, so I will go to the court house and get an official eviction notice served on him.  I think he thinks that he could 'sweet talk' me out of making him move.  No way.
While I was getting chemo yesterday, Steve went out and rented a small sander with which to sand around the walls.  I've used one before, and they're quite the trick.  He and I were both fatigued last night, so didn't use the sander,  We'll just have to pay another day's rental, but I really want those floors done.  Then we can go ahead with door trim and baseboards.  I can finish the floors with that trim in place.
Steve says he wants me to do the final finish on the floors, and he knows that the help we have would never suit me.  I'm very particular with my wood finishing.
The floors are going to look great, but not exactly like they looked when the Lowe's lived there.  They will be quite a bit lighter.  I like the lighter look in my house.  Lighter floors don't show as much dust, either.
I feel terrible all the time, so I don't get much done.
ClarenceSingleton is mowing at both houses, and he works for very little, because he wants us to help him when he needs help, and he knows that he will get it.  He gets fed, his laundry done, he's cared for, and he gets new clothes.
He's been sleeping at Creekside some, which is not a bad idea.
I'm going to work on some small projects for a few minutes, then I need to get back to bed.

Sunday, July 22. 2012 AM

I went to bed very late last night, and woke very early this morning.
I had to take a pain pill. 
I've got a cold from someone, somewhere.  The chemotherapy suppresses your immune system, and you catch everything that comes down the road.
I felt terrible all day yesterday, so I didn't go anywhere.  I stayed home and spent most of the day upstairs in the day room, altering clothes.  I've lost so much weight that very little fits me. and I took the time to clean out some shirts and blouses to alter them.
I couldn't remember how to thread my sewing machine.
I'm getting rid of some of my clothing.  I'm not too sure I'll need them, and others can use them, so I'm just giving them away, rather than altering them.
I feel badly, so I'm going back to bed, and I'll write more later.

Thursday AM early

I haven't been to sleep all night.  I got my chemo pump out yesterday, and I've had the muscle cramps and the diherea from hell that usually comes after the tretment is over.  The pump is bad enough, but the follow-up torture is terrible.
The weather being hot and very humid does not help any, either.  It just makes me ill and moody.
I had what looked like a family reunion yesterday at Creekside.
We got back from Morristown (Janie, Cherokee, Steven, and I), and Tom was there working.  Soon, Jack, the main squeeze of my friend Patty, pulled into the driveway for a quick chat.  While he was still there, Adrianne Cameron drove up and stopped to inquire after my health, and to offer his and Jean's (his sister) help.  While he was still there, Clarence Singleton came up on his bicycle.  Then Shannon drove up.  She had come to bring my wig she bought for me and had styled.  That's her contribution for trying to get me better.  It's perfect.  I know she paid a lot of money for it, but she wouldn't say how much.
Then, Joan came by after getting off work at the Family Dollar.  She didn't stay long, but she was one more in the crowd.  After that, Reneae came by to pick up Tom.  The house was bulging with visitors.  It got a little loud and confusing.
I'm quite the celebrity, it seems.
Tom got quite a bit of work done on the wood work, and I'm glad to see something getting towards finished.  He's sure a good worker.
I was so tired last night, but I couldn't sleep, so I worked on some special projects as gifts for some special friends.
I could work on crafts all night.
I guess I need to get some sleep, but I don't know if I'll be able to sleep much.

Tuesday AM, very early

I had Chemo yesterday.  It takes all day.  I have to be there at 8:30 for blood work, then I'm free for about an hour until the doctor sees me, and decides if I'm going to have chemo that day.  Last monday I didn't, but today (rah) I did.  It seems to me that if you're already infected with a deadly disease, they wouldn't be so careful about pumping poison into your veins.
Our doctor at Morristown is very careful.  I like that, as my life isw in her hands.
All the staff there are super nice.
After blood was drawn, Janie and I were free for about an hour, so we went to the hospital dining room for breakfast,and it was really good, with serveral choices. It breaks the tedius of waiting.
We got back to the cancer unit, and they were 'just' waiting for us.
They soon wanted us to order some lunch, but we put them off.
I am stinging all over like I've angered a huge nest of yellowjackets.
It's some of the side effects.
The part of the treatments that I hate the most is the side effect of the diaherea and then the constipation.  The muscle side effects are painful enough to make a preacher cuss.
But, Ive'got to get victort over then, and Live On
I'm too tired to wrightmuch.  I haven't been to bed yet.
I'm very 'antsy' tonigh.
I ned to settle.

July 8, 2012

My vision is very blurry most mornings, so I might make some typos that I don't catch.
I missed a Golden opertunity yesterday.  Sister Billie Valentine came through our area, and called to come for a short visit.  We were up at Creekside, and she called our home phone.  She did leave a nice message, though.
I'd love to see her in person again.
Sister Jean Katherine Welch, who is Steve's aunt and a Sister of Saint Joseph of Rochester of New York, called yesterday.  She talks fast and gets off the phone quickly, because she lives on $75.00 a month, and doesn't have much extra for long distance phone calls.  I told Steve that we should send her some money to help her, as she has been so caring and attentive during this time of trouble for me.  The Sisters hold many prayers for me, and I so appreciate it.  They are loving and caring people who have given their whole lives to God and His service.
I called Lynn, but she didn't answer, so I left her a short message.
She took so much good care of me when she was here, and I hope that she didn't tire herself out so badly that she's had to take to her bed.  She's not well, herself, and I don't want to be too much work for her.  I know that she worries some about me, and worry is hard on Fibromyalgia patients.
She and Jim are so busy with their work, their church leadership, and her many crafts and hobbies that make her some small amount of money to help financially.
We sent her home with her van full of 'treasures', and Jim got busy right away and added her customized bird houses to her huge retaining wall in her backyard.  It's almost like wall paper out there, and looks so cheery.  She says it cheers her to glance out the window and see all those houses, many of which are gifts to her from me.  She's such a loving lady, and I so enjoy giving back to her.
Janie's other daughter (the one I refer to as 'The Religious One', or 'The Pretty One') came for a day-long visit, with her husband and daughter.  She is, without doubt, one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.  She has an inner glow about her that reaches out to people, and you can feel the love she has for you.  She is called Sandy, but she certainly doesn't grate or grind as sand would.
I so enjoyed her and her little family, and Janie was so proud of her.  I noticed tears in Janie's eyes as Sandy and I talked and I gave Sandy 'the fifty-cent tour' of Creekside.  Sandy LOVED it.
John, Sandy's husband, was interested in my problems and the care I'm recieving.  He's a handsome man, and so attentive to Sandy.  I just LOVED the whole little family.  They sure were driving a nice car.  Janie has a nice, pleasant family.
They couldn't come to Clairemont, because a road crew were removing fallen trees from our road which had come down in a terrible wind storm.
It had stormed on Thursday night, with incredible wind, and many trees came down in this area.  The people who are now living in the Collins house across 11W had a swimming pool to overturn and was carried by the wind down to the edge of 11W.  It had water in it, as I saw children in it last week as Steve and I were going down Rutledge Pike.
The high wind took the bell tower and steeple off of Rutledge First Baptist Church.  We drove up by it yesterday, and it is broken and laying in pieces all over the front lawn.  They had some beautiful flower beds and a nice walkway there, so there's more damage than to the bell tower and steeple.  I just wonder how much rain came in when the tower went off.
Water was in waves over the corner of our back porch, which is covered by a roof with 6-inch gutters.  I don't know where all that water came from, but it was welcome.  We are having the worst drought.  Yards and fields are brown, and the chance of fire breaking out is a real danger.  Just before the storm, Janie saw lightening strike Jean Jarnigan's front yard and set it ablaze.  It might have been an electrical wire hitting it, as we noticed that a huge tree was down next to her house, taking some electrical wires with it.  I hope she was safe.
We lost a good neighbor this week, Irene Marsh, who I called 'Mamaw'.  I had seen her in the Goodwill just two weeks ago with her daughter, and she was quite feeble but chipper.  She was 87, but had kept a large garden last summer.  I made up a huge flower arrangement to take to Smith's, but with all the visitors and a trip to Lowe's (that was truely necessary), I didn't get to take the flowers to the funeral home.  The funeral is this afternoon.
The trip to Lowe's was necessitated by our swimming pool getting a leak.  Steve noticed it yesterday early in the day, and tried several home cures for it, with little or no success.  He wanted to go to Lowe's to get a swimming pool patch, which was little more than a small piece of clear plastic with some water-proof (yeah, RIGHT) adhesive on it.  You are supposed to prepare the patch, then go under the water, peel off the backing, and quickly place the patch over the leak.  It's still leaking this morning.
I didn't quite grasp how the glue is supposed to work in a fluid that is referred to as 'the universal solvent', but Steve had hope that it would.
I'm afraid of what measures he will next take to solve the problem.  He was talking yesterday about getting an in-ground pool, which would be a logistical nightmare.  We live on a rock bluff, and it would take dynamite to blast the rock out for a hole into which to place an in-ground pool.
I suggested that we install our sun room package (which has been setting in the back yard for two years) along the back porch roof, and thus create a 24'X38' enclosed area where we could install a small indoor pool.  It would be smaller, of course, but would eliminate the worry of leaves, blowing trash, and animals falling into the pool.  Keeping the outdoor pool clean is a chore.  Bugs have made a target of it during this dry weather, and it seems like we get into the pool, clean it, and get back out.
I have been heating our pool with a solar heater which I designed a couple of years ago, so it would be nice and warm to have a pool indoors.  I feel so light in the water, and I've not got sore from all the activity in the water.
Tom is working out really well, getting the deck toward completion.
He is a nice man, and works out in this heat without stopping.  I'm so glad we have him, and I hope he stays with us.  There's so much he could do to help.
Joy, Janie's sister, was supposed to come for a visit this weekend, but didn't.  I don't know why, but she told me last week that her car was 'acting up', so that may be why she's staying close to home.
Fred, Janie's brother, is supposed to get here this week, I think.
I get to venture into cancer hell tomorrow.  It's my second chemo treatment.  I have to sit in a recliner for eight hours while I'm there, getting all kinds of medications, vitamins and minerals to help boost my body, and then they install the pump.  It weighs about 15 pounds, and they hang it around my neck.  It clicks and ticks the whole time I'm wearing it, and it can't get wet or bumped, or it will leak or spill.
Then, if there's a repeat of the last treatment, I will go into the worst whole-body muscle spasms imaginable.  My toes curl up like walnuts, my neck feels like I've got a boa constrictor wrapped around it, my back and sides feel like I've been run over with a heavy truck, and if I reach for something, it looks and feels like I'm grabbing onto it for dear life.  The pain is so bad after awile that I think my teeth will sweat.  Even my hair hurts.  But, at least, I still HAVE hair.
I'm on a very heavy vitamin and mineral regimine to try to keep my hair, and, so far, something is working.  I can just imagine how hot a wig would feel in this heat.  It's been in the upper 90's all week, and it feels like a blast furnace when you open a door to go outside.
I've offered to make Penny Satterfield an awning to hang on the front of the Down Home, to try to keep some of the hot sun off the front of her building.  She told me she's dreading her next utility bill.  I want to do something to help others, especially now, when I need so much help.
I feel weak and tired all the time, and have to lay down in the daytime.  I've never took naps, except the occasional Sunday afternoon nap, but I need rest now.  My doctors told me I would feel poorly and tired, but nothing prepared me for this whole-body fatigue.
I used to keep my house immaculate, but now it's cluttered, and my carpets need to be cleaned.  I just don't have the energy to deal with the dirt, and, after surgery, I'm not supposed to lift or strain my stomach muscles, so I can't push a vacuum cleaner.  I like not having to do housework, but it pains me to see my house dirty.  I so want to be well again, and be able to do what I've always done.
I haven't worked a whole day at Creekside sinse I had my first surgery.  I feel that so little is getting done everywhere, and I'm the cause.
We got a copy of the hospital bill this week, and I told Steve that it would have been cheaper to build a sick-room onto the house and hire a nurse to take care of me at home.
I've been sitting around making hats for the other chemo patients who have lost their hair, and it makes me feel good to do something for others.  They are fabulous headwear, and could not be affordable for a low-budget patient, and I want to give to others.
It's messy work, but fulfilling to me.  It's one thing that I can do without feeling even more tired and short of breath.
I'm still really sore from my surgeries, and I've had to learn to carry a shoulder bag on my left shoulder, as my port is on my right shoulder.  A seat belt crosses right over it and hurts, so I move it to my waist.
One of my peafowl hens is laying, and Steve wants her to set and hatch the eggs.  I'd love to see her babies, as her mate is my Java Green male, and she is almond colored.  Jave Green peafowl are really high-dollar birds, so it would be nice to get some babies.
The birds are moulting in this heat, so I'm collecting feathers.
Lynn wants some, and had some ready to go home with her when she was here, but forgot them in all the packing of the treasures we sent back with her.  It was not enough to show our appreciation for all she did, but she had quite a bit, just not enough.
She's hoping to come back in a couple of weeks, and we'll send more home with her  then.
I need to get off here and get to making hats and doing some light housework.
Oh, Barbara went to some horse race with Cooter and Darla Daniel.  She didn't win.
I saw the Queen Mother at the Down Home on Saturday.  She was pleased to have an unexpected, but short, visit with me.  She's quite the Lady.

Thursday, July 5, 2012 AM

I was going to post last night, but there appeared to be something wrong with my 'mouse' on my computer.  It had finally 'died', according to the computer expert, Steve.
He installed a new one for me, but I was so ready for rest that I gave up on the notion of posting last night and just went on to bed.
Stumpy slept the whold night with me, and I slept very lightly, so I would not crush the precious little thing in my sleep.  She snuggled and cuddled with her mommy (whom she adores) until just a few minutes ago, and mom decided to call it a night and got up.  I gave the girls a treat, which was a can of cat food.  They usually get dry, because of the odor of the canned food, but everything tastes and smells differently to me now that I'm on Chemo, and I don't mind the smell so much.
They had advised me before the initiation of chemo that things would smell and taste differently.  They sure do, and I can be sitting on the living room floor, working away on my hats for the chemo patients, and start smelling cooking foods, and tasting them, as well.
This morning, earlier, I was seeing 'the lights', which is like little sparks surrounding common objects.  They look something like very tiny twinkling Christmas lights, except these have sharp little points for corners.  They had the most interesting colors, too.
Chemo sure is a trip, but one I'd never advise anyone to take.
Cherokee came by for just a little 'drop in' visit yesterday afternoon, and to tell me that she loves me.  I think perhaps someone had gotten on her nerves at home, and she needed a restful place to get to.
It was so nice to have her for a while.  We ate some watermelon together, and she and I sat in the living room and had a lovely visit.
I had called Angie Slagle yesterday morning to see how she was doing.  She confessed to me that she had been crying earlier, but that she just shed tears of joy while we were having our little visit.  She told me that I had brightened her whole day.  She is the lady who does stained glass in her private studio down in Joppa, and she had almost cut her left hand off a while back with some sliding glass.  She's in a great deal of pain, and has to wear braces on her wrist until her hand heals.  Two of her fingers on that hand still might not recover, and it has her somewhat depressed.  She told me that I was the best anti-depressant that she had ever had.
It makes my day to cheer someone, especially someone that I love so, and admire.
She made the lovely stained glass window that is in the bay window in my music room.  It is such an inspiration and joy to me.  I'm glad I can give her something back.
It appears that Barbara's story about me in the Grainger Today has opened many doors for me to give others hope and inspiration.  Mrs. Jean Jarnigan and Mrs. Mary Roberts huddled with me and we had a small 'tea party' in the meat section of the IGA night before last.  Mrs. Jarnigan is one of the last of the famous (locally) Jarnigans, and she lives in the Jarnigan Mansion up on 11W next to the Jarnigan Ford dealership.  That's a lovely old home, and she keeps it immaculately, though she's became somewhat feeble.  I sometimes notice that her car is parked in front of the house on the grass, and I presume she has had trouble getting back to the house, or has too many groceries or something to carry inside.
Mary Roberts is a Senior Executive at the Grainger County Citizen's Bank, and she is still hardy and hale.  They live down on Rutledge Pike between Clairemont and town.  They have a  beautiful home that sets just below the road, and it is always so well kept.  She is locally famous for having the most beautiful Christmas Tree in her front window.  It sparkles with a million lights.  She told me a couple of years ago that her husband wants her to discontinue it, but it's such a favorite tradition that she wants to keep it up.  It sure is beautiful.
We stood and talked in the meat department for quite a spell, and Mrs. Jarnigan asked me a bit about my illness.  She said that she was hesitant at first, because she didn't know if I would want to discuss it.  I figure that open discussion is something I can help with, and I don't mind a bit.
Lynn sent Steve a picture of a purple butterfly that I had painted for her while she was here.  It is the symbol for Fibromyalgia, and she had it perched beside her computer screen.  She's very adept at taking pictures with her phone.  I'm so electronically challenged that I can't do anything like that.
I get all the nice cards and letters that I've recieved together and look through them often, and they bring me such comfort and happiness that so many people care enough about me to send me something.  I've been truely blessed.
I don't have any doctor's appointments today, for anywhere.  That seems strange.  I do have to take some insurance papers to Doctor Duck's office from the insurance company.  They say they can't reach him by phone to verify the need for some prescription, so I'm taking him the letter, so that he can contact them and let them know that I'm not some sort of dope fiend that wants to feed my habit.
They can be so cranky.
Margaret Southerland, at Smith's Drugs in Rutledge sure knows how to handle them.  She has had to deal with them a lot of times before, and I'll bet by now they dread the sound of her voice.  She don't take their 'bunk' about getting sick people their needed medications.
I had to give the house cats a dose of Ivomec last night, as Stumpy and Sweety both were crawling with fleas.  It amazes me that cats who never go outside can get so many fleas.  Sweety really got mad at me, and tried to scratch me, even though she very well knows better.  I'm going to have to get her to Doctor Morgan and get her declawed and neutered.  Doctor Morgan doesn't take any guff from pets.
Janie didn't work yesterday,  She wanted to have a 'Lazy Day' at home, and I did, too.  She did some of her own housework.  Her daughter, Sandy, is coming Saturday, and she wants things nice for her.  She wants to bring her to Clairemont and Creekside and let her know where her mother works.  She's heard so much that I'd think she would already be pretty familiar with both places.
I re-worked my wig last night, and this time, I think I might have it just right.  Steve said that it looks just like my hair.  I haven't lost mine yet, but I'm trying to prep myself for the melt-down that will happen if I do.  My hair has always been my trademark, and it would be such a loss to me if I lost it now.
Much of my hair came out last early spring, and I wouldn't leave the house for several days.  I wore several 'helping hair' pieces, and finally got comfortable enough that I would go out in public, and I used several medicinal remedies to get my hair to come back.  It has made a remarkable recovery, though too slowly for me, and I so hope I don't lose it to the scourge of chemo.
Lynn assured me when she was here that I would make a beautiful bald lady, but I think she was just being nice.  I DON'T WANT TO BE BALD.
I just couldn't go the route of wearing baseball caps or those tragic turbens, so I've something else ready....my lovely (and quite expensive) wig.  I wanted it to look like I wear my own hair, and getting the hairline to look realistic all the way around my head was a bit of a challenge.
My friend, Faune Gerber, told me that this might be a good time to try a new hair-do, but I'm stuck wanting to look like I have always.  There are just too many other changes going on with my body right now, and I want what shreds of my former self that I still have to linger with me.  I've aways liked my hair long and put up nicely, and I will continue to keep it as long as I can.
Shannon, my 'adopted' sister, is working on something for me to wear, and I'm getting pretty anxious to see what she has come up with.  She's a WHIZ with hair, up OR down, and I'm eaglerly awaiting the visual treat she has for me.  I think it's rather good of her to do so much for me.  She's always been around, and always will be, I hope.
I went by the mobile home with Janie day before yesterday, and it looks like John and Annamae have not been living there.  A neighbor told me that they had not been living there, so I'm taking possession of it again, and will have the locks changed, so that Janie and I (with whatever help we can get) can begin renovations there as time permits, and get it ready to rent to someone else.
I'd say John has 'skipped', oweing me quite a bit of work and money.  He's told so many tales to so many people that no one seems to know where he is, where he might 'pop up', or what he's doing.
I can't have any more to do with him.  He's broken the trust he had built with me.  The lights are still on in the trailer, but I'd doubt that they will want to pay the bill, or that they ever will.  They had disappeared with the air conditioning on.  People can be so decietful.
There's much more to tell when there's more time, but I need to get off this computer and lay back down for a while.  I'm always so tired from the chemo, and weak, also.  It's not a happy experience.
Maybe Barbara could write another story about me, calling it 'The Chemo Chronicles'.
She would make it boring.

July 3, 2012 AM

Cherokee asked me if I'd given up on posting.  I haven't, but, after seeing all the typos in my last post, it looks like I should.
I have a vague hope that, after I'm gone, someone might stumble onto my blog and see something which inspires them to keep going.
It's terribly hot here, with almost no relief from the heat when we have the occasional evening storm.  We see lightening, but it just makes me worry about it coming to ground and starting a woods fire.
The grass crackles when you walk on it, and the ground is cracked.
I miss Lynn now that she's gone back home.  She came to help, and she certainly did.
I think she might be well-wuited for an Elder's position in her church.  They are to be helpers and spiritual advisors, and she can handle those jobs very well.
They don't believe like I do, but you don't have to be in agreement with someone to be able to help them.
Cherokee paid me $25.00 towards her loan for some tires from several weeks ago.  They were good tires at a good price, and she had been told that the tires on her van were dry-rotted.  She didn't have the cash right then, so I bought them.  She absolutely INSISTED that she re-pay me, and yesterday evening she literally struggled with me to give me the payment.  She's about as hard-headed as they come.  But Barbara's still the fattest friend I have.
Last night at The Down Home, Steve and I saw the lady friend of Jamie's who works at Smith's Funeral Home.  I can never recall her name, but she's really nice.  She had to remind me of where she works and lives, and even who she was.  I was so embarrassed.  It seems like I'm so distracted with all these doctors and medical treatments that I forget everything.
Steve said last night that he's going to get a large wall calendar to put dates on so that I will remember where to go, who to see, and at what time.  If he don't, I might be looking up at that nice lady from Smith's.  I just can't seem to handle all this trouble, and I think it's partly because I'm in some sort of disconnect to try to keep sane (that's a concept some might argue).  I seem to be boating down that river in Northern Africa, Denial.  (Think about it)  (Say the word out loud)
Chris Mannes came into the Goodwill the other day and we had a short but sweet visit.  She's such a faithful friend, and so good to so many.
Many people have come to me to talk with me about my 'Hat Lady Project' for the chemotherapy patients.  Lynn talked with some lady at her home church in North Carolina who is a survivor, and she wants some of my hats to give to their cancer center there.  I'll do anything I can to help others get through this.  I hope Lynn comes to collect them in person, and that she will allow a few days for a sweet visit.  She has come to mean so much to me.  If you read this, Lynn, and you will, this is a HINT.
I sat in the livingroom floor last night and made up some 'twirly balls' to put on hats.  I take florist's wire, cut it down to about 8-10 inches in length, and glue beads onto them.  Then I attach them to hats that correspond in color.  They are so pretty (to me) and they're absorbing to make.
Making all these hats keeps me from worry lots of times.  Stumpy comes and sits in my lap while I work.  She naps.  Lynn made a picture of her taking a nap in my lap with a little hat on while she was here.  If she could post it on this blog, I'd be happy so see it.
I so love that little kitten.
I have to go to Morristown to get blood work done today.  I guess it really was a good idea to install my port.  It cost as much as the bowel surgery did.  I think I go to see Dudrick on Thursday.  He's nice.
Steve had his colonoscopy yesterday morning, which might account for his bad mood last night.  The same doctor who did mine did his.  They found and removed two polyps, which are thought to be non-cancerous at this time.  They will have to await results from the lab before we know for sure.
I guess my cancer was so obvious that they jumped the gun and gave me my diagnosis at the time of surgery.
Doctor Narayony remembered me, and told me that I was the most fun patient he had ever done a colonoscopy for.  I hope everyone likes my wacky sense of humor.
When Cherokee was in the hospital, Janie, Lynn, and I went to see her, and, when they came to take her to the surgical area, she said that they left her laying on the gurney while they told everyone about me and my crazy, funny 'floor show' in her room.
I was trying to ease some of her anxiety, and it must have worked.  I really love that crazy, silly, funny, sweet lady, and I hope she knows it.  I was telling them at The Down Home last night about her wonderful key lime pies.  She should make them and sell them.  She could make some serious money.  They are so good, they'd make Christian women fight.
Steve is still sleeping, and I so want to get to working on some hats.
He's tired from all the etra work I'm causing and having to put on him.  I'll let him rest.
He was on my side of the bed this morning, so I must have had one of the nights when I thrashed and kicked until he just had to get up and exchange sides of the bed with me.
Faune Gerber keeps me so cheered with her little coments on my blog.
She prays for me faithfully, and I need prayer.  I'm sure Betty Pike prays for me, also, and the Sisters of Rochester (New York) have many prayer vigils for me.  Sister Jean Katheryn Welch was so proud (she has confessed that sin, I'm sure) of my article in the paper, and she took it to other convents to show the other Sisters who know me personally.  They are such faithful women of God.
I want to do something special for Barbara to show her that I'm grateful for all her help in this time of sickness and sadness.  Maybe I should get her a membership at Jenny Craig.