Monday, July 2, 2012 AM

Steve has his colonoscopy this morning, and I'm more concerned about his than I was about mine.
I don't want any more sickness in our home.
I don't know if I've mentioned that Lori Daniel is following my blog now, but I hope, if she sees this, that she will continue to pray for me, and that she will include Steve in her many prayers.
She and her daughter, Reylie (sp?) are so good to me, and I always want the love of that precious little girl.
One of our baby geese died.  I don't know why, but the other geese deserted it for several days before it died.
We are having to run a pump from the creek to water the field where the geese live.  It's been really dry.  Steve told me that it stormed during the night.  I was either 'floating' on Ambien or was sleeping through it.
We need rain, in any form.
There's lots more, but I'
ll have to write it when we get home from the hospital this afternoon.
I'd better mention Barbara.  So there, Barbara, there's your mention.

Well, I've lived through my very first chemotherapy treatment.
About all I can say good about it is that it somewhat resembles getting hung while being poisoned.  The large, bulky time-controlled divice that I had to wear around my neck for two days was not quite enough, it plainly stated on it that it was 'Chemotherapy, and if spilled or dripped, whould be cleaned up by a has-mat team'.  Wow, and they were shooting this crap into my viens.  It didn't help much for my ego that Barbara reminded me that it cost about $7,000.00 each treatment. 
I don't really think it's worth all that much, but we signed on the dotted line to go through with all this, and I'm trying to be brave or foolish, probably more of the latter and less of the former.
Lynn came up from her house in North Carloina, and her boyant spirits and cheer are a great help at this time.
I slept most of the day yesterday, and a great deal of it today, which is really unusual for me.  I guess it's part of the treatment.  Everything smells like that horrible stuff, and I got into the swimming pool this afternoon to get rid of some of the odor.
We went to Down Home for supper tonight, and it was so good to have good food and something to talk about besides my failing health.
Lynn and I have been trying to craft some together, but my vision is terribly blurred, and I can't hold my hands still enough to handle the beads and ribbons needed to decorate hats.  She does this thing with corks and picture frames, and she's just flying away with it.  I just feel disconnected from life and living.
I was able (with difficulty) to get fixed up today for the hospital, and that always has the nurses smiling and glad to see me.  I guess it's nice to see someone that's not given in (yet) to the helplessness of chemotherapy and 'gone casual' with caps and old, tired, tee-shirts.
The other patients look at me as if to say, you'll someday be like us, robbed of hope and ambition.  I don't ever want to get that despondant.
Barbara gives me some cheer, but she's always been good for a laugh....either with her or at her.
Stumpy is being a good girl, and giving her mother lots of affection.  So is her dad, and mom needs it.
Lynn and I talked some in the pool today about the family and our living situations, and I'm glad to say we're both in good shape.
It's late, and I'm still tired and nervous.  I need to do something else.

Thursday, June 21, 2012 late AM

It's time for an update.
Work at Creekside is much slower without me being there.  I just have to stay home and rest while trying to get ready for the start of chemo.  That happens on Monday at 8:00.
The Nurse Practitioner told us yesterday that there will be a long wait while the pharmacy at the hospital mixes the drugs.  They don't prepare them ahead of time, because if there's a no-show, the very expensive drugs would be wasted.  They don't keep well.
She told me that I might not lose my hair, but it might thin somewhat.  I talked with the people at the Cancer Resource Center there, too.  That was a nice surprise.
When I walked in the door, the lady at the desk smiled and said, "You must be Claire".  I was wearing one of my lovely hats, of course, and DRESSED.  I think my reputation might preceed me.
I was a feature story in the Grainger Today this week for The Rutledge Hat Lady making and designing hats for the chemo patients who might want to still look nice.  Barbara wrote the article, and she did a pretty fair job of it.  Ann Cason, the editor and owner of the paper, came to Clairemont to take my photo with some of the many hats I've already got ready, and she published a lovely color photo of me in the center of the front page.  It can be seen on-line at GraingerToday.net.  If you're not a member of their staff, you can only view the front page. 
Steve is rather proud and amused at the whole thing, but he hates the mess I've made of the living room making all these lovely hats.  The silk flowers, the netting, the beads, the buttons, the ribbon, and the various assorted items I use to decorate the hats make a terrible mess when I'm cutting and fitting them, but it's part of the creative process.
Lynn, Steve's sister, is planning to come next week, and she's bringing her beading equipment, so we can share beads and techniques.  Steve will go crazy.  I love to make things prettier than they are, and beading and flowering are good ways to do just that.
I keep being inturupted, so I'm not sure what I've dealt with yet.
John has not been to work in three weeks, but Janie just called and said he showed up at Creekside and cussed her and myself, and then left, saying he was not coming back.  He also said that there was a plumbing leak at the trailer, and had ruined the carpet.  He had told me two weeks ago that he had the carpet up and was ready for the laminate flooring.  His stories are not consistant.
Sister Valentine now has a dog.  She loves it.  It was the dog of a patient at the nursing home where she has a service for the patients.  The lady died, so she adopted the dog.
She's getting a new back porch, but I think I told of that in a previous post.
Stumpy, our kitten, has learned that mommy loves her so much, and she can get her way about almost anything.  She crawls into my lap when I'm sitting on the living room floor making hats.
I stopped by the Family Dollar last night to see Joan.  I haven't seen much of her sinse I've been having so much surgery and been going to doctors and hospitals.  She assured me that she prays for me every night and morning when she says her prayers.
I'm glad for that.

Friday, June 15, 2012

I'm really sore this morning.  I had minor surgery again yesterday to install a port in my right shoulder, so that administration of chemotherapy would be simpler.  I just wish all this was simpler for me.
I've been to so many doctors and medical facilities, my head is buzzing.  I gave up long ago trying to keep up with the appointments, doctor's names, and the reasons for the visits.  I don't know if I could keep up with it at all if it weren't for Steve.  He manages everything for me, and it sure makes things much easier.
I just have to get there and submit to all the tortuous treatments, the immodest exposure, the nausea, the depression, and the awful pain.
I've never had anything hurt so badly for so long.
My right shoulder is so sore, I can't even pull the door open on the refridgerator.  I can't lay on my right side on the bed, and I can't open a car door.  People who have ports say the soreness will go away, and I sure wish it would hurry.  Time drags without all the work I'm accustomed to doing.
I so wish I could just get back to work, as I always have done.
I talked with Steve's mother last evening.  She wanted to know all about the latest medical proceedures.  They're keeping up with the latest goings-on with us through this blog and through phone calls.  They sent a nice peace lilly when I was in the hospital for my big surgery.  It helped to cheer the long, boring hours, and it sure brightened the room. 
Jamie Combs brought me a lovely painting of one of our black swans, and everyone complimented me on her talent and ability.  She's so accomplished.
Judy is planning to come by on Sunday morning after working a 24-hour shift at Morristown for Med-flight.  She's such a good nurse, and tries so hard to work everything into her hectic schedule.
Janie has just about had to take over at Creekside.  I just can't stay active enough to be of help there right now, and my doctors and Steve (along with a certain Sister Worker) nag me to rest.
Barbara tells me to not worry about all I'm not doing now, but she's boring and I don't take her advice.
She's wanting Steve to get some pictures of the hats I've been designing to donate to Thompson Cancer Survival Center for the chemo ladies and girls, and she's going to do an interview over the phone with me to put in the Grainger Today.  Ann Cason, the Editor and Owner of the paper, liked the idea when Barbara presented it to her, so I am wanting to get it into print, so that others might recognise the need and want to do something for the Surviving Community.
Stumpy is 'going potty' all over the house, and I need to spend some time with her, training her that it's inapproiate to do that.  She's really smart, and takes correction well.  I don't know why parents can't train their children if I can train my cats.
Mary Douglas asked off for today.  She talked to Steve, so I don't know her reason.  She offered to come next Thursday or Friday.  I'm so behind with housework, I should have her come both days.
I can't push a vacuum cleaner, hang laundry on the line, or lift, stoop, or bend yet, and I feel like I'm so limited.  Steve does wonders, but men don't clean like women.
Lynn is supposed to come here for a visit next week, and I need to get a guest room cleaned for her.  She would tell me not to, but I don't want her to have to deal with my messes and the over-load of 'stash' I always have around.  I need to get the winter hats off the guest room beds, and the lovely linens I'm always buying put away in drawers and under beds in containers.
I have a huge inventory of stuff I have wanted to sell on e-bay for years, but Steve won't make pictures for me and put them on my computer, so I can't sell them.  They're also stacked against the walls in some of the guest rooms, so they need to be put in better places.
It looks like it's going to be a really pretty day outside.  That's the kind of day when I so want to be outside doing yard work and outside duties, and I feel so restricted with all this illness and disease.
There's always something to do inside, but I so long to be as active as I have always been.
We've had several bats come into the house at Creekside.  I think they might be entering through the square hole in the upstairs bath, where we plan to put a whole-house fan later.  It's stuffed full of foam rubber, but they can find even the smallest crack and get in.  I get them to crawl onto a broom, and carry them outside for release.  We love them, and we also love the insect-control they provide, but we don't want them in the house, as they would soon starve and make a horrible mess with their droppings until they did.
I saw the obituary for Scott Pruitt in the paper. He was several years younger than I am, and he once attended Blue Springs Church of God, where I was the organist several years ago.  I'll have to call Sister Valentine and see what caused his death at such a young age.
It seems there is some old friend or acquaintence in the obits every day or so.  Lawerence and I were talking about that when he visited me in the hospital.  I don't see him much, and it was a pleasure to get to see him, although the circumstances could have been better.  I wish I had been well enough to enjoy his visit more.  We used to be so close.
I need to get out to see Mary.  I have some wall paper for her, and some paving stones I've given her that I need to get loaded on the truck and taken to her.  With my limitations right now, it' would not be a good time for heavy hauling, so I guess it will have to wait.
Cherokee is leaving Steven with his dad and taking a little time for herself, and I'm glad to see that.  She's tired and sick, and it's not her duty to raise her grandchildren.  She needs rest and time for herself and to visit her friends, mainly Janie and myself.  She loves to be with us, and brought a water melon the other day for us all to enjoy.  She brought fruit juices last week.  She always wants to give something, and is very slow to take anything, even when it's freely offered.
I've been so grateful for my many friends during this time of trouble.  So many people around Rutledge have offered to get me to treatments, to take me places, to help me with work, and to sit by my side and comfort me if needed.  It's really heartwarming to have such an outpouring of sympathy and compassion from so many.
I'd better close this epistile and get my hats arranged, so Steve can make some pictures.  I don't want to be the one to hold things up.
Barbara will want a story, although when she writes it, it will be boring.

Monday AM

Steve is still in bed, and I have a few minutes alone to post.
Yesterday was a really bad day for me.  I was deeply depressed and in quite a bit of pain all day.  I can't get used to the 'new' stomach and bowels I have, and I feel like I'm going to split in half if I move too much.  I've aged ten years in the last two months.  My skin hangs in sad wrinkles, my hair is listless and flat, and I feel sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I'm working on hats for the women and girls at Thompson Survival Center.  I'm making them a bit flamboyant and really colorful, as I feel that those women don't want to be ugly just because they're sick.  Doing this for others takes my mind off of my own troubles.  I'm totally absorbed when I'm arranging the flowers, feathers, beads, and bows on those hats, and it makes me feel good to think that I might be helping someone else in their struggles.  This is not an easy disease.
Steve is still being patient and so good.  He cooks, cleans, and even does the dishes after meals.  It's going to be hard for me to have to take over these tasks after being spoiled.  He already has this evening's meal planned.  I couldn't ask for better treatment. 
Aunt Kitty called yesterday afternoon after Mass to give me another blessing, and to ask after my health.  She's such a wonderful lady, and has given her whole life to God.  The Sisters in her Convent held a prayer vigil for me when I had surgery, and they still continue to pray for me.  A few of them have visited our home for a short retreat in the past, and I know them personally.  They're sure good people.  They are the Sisters of Saint Joseph of Rochester, New York.
Kathy Rose, a local friend, came by and brought me a yard flag of a snowman the other day.  She had told me that she didn't want to see it out in the yard, melting, in July, so I will need to keep it current with other flags in warm weather.  She's been so faithful to keep up with my progress and needs. 
Angie Slagle, our local stained glass artist, almost cut her hand off.  She was moving a picture that had a broken glass, which was in her shop for repairs, and the glass fell out of the frame, sliding down and cutting her on her wrist.  She is in quite a bit of pain with it, and is having a hard time with the forced inactivity.  I can sympathize with her on that.
She had designed and created the stained glass window in my music room.  I love it.
Both Marys call me often to keep in touch.  Mary Kelly is my oldest living sister, and Mary Douglass is my housekeeper for many years.  We have become like sisters.
It's hard for Mary to deal with my cancer problems, as she's just re-living the situation that she went through with Jack, our brother who died last summer with prostate cancer.  She loves her family, and when we suffer, she suffers right along with us.
I'm not doing much at Creekside right now, as I can't lift over ten pounds, stoop, bend, or squat.
I feel so limited, and the exhaustion is overwhelming.  Betty Pike had 'ordered' me to get some rest while I am recuperating, and I do rest some, but the pain keeps me restless and agitated.
I don't rest easy.
Stumpy is getting over her eye infection.  She's such an adorable little kitten, and I love for her to nestle and cuddle with me.  It's so amusing to watch her antics and see how she's growing.  She will come and find me, wherever I am in the house, and wants to be with me.  She climbs my gown-tail until I lift her up to snuggle my neck.  Her little claws are so sharp.
This is the time of the year when I should be restoring and re-painting my blow mold Christmas Nativity figures.  This sickness has so limited me.  I told Janie that we would likely be repairing the blow mold in the downstairs sun room in cold weather.  I'd much rather do it out in the yard, during warm, predictable weather.  I got another Santa last week, and he's in pretty good shape.  I sure love my blow mold.
Joan Stalsworth is back at work now.  She had been to the beach on vacation last week, and called often to see how I was doing.  She would have come to the hospital, but she doesn't drive in Knoxville.
I guess Janie will have to take me to most of my Chemo treatments, as Steve needs to get back out on the road soon.  He's a 'hands-on' manager, and wants to be active in his work.  I sure will miss all his help and the comfort he's given me.
He tests my blood sugar every morning.  It's been a little lower lately.
He's been trying to keep me on a better diet.
We have to go down to Fort Sanders Hospital today to do the preadmission paperwork for when the install my port for the chemo.  It will be one-day surgery, but they have to have all these reams of paperwork on all their patients, even though I was just there as a patient two weeks ago.
I think Steve is hedging towards Janie taking me.  He needs to be on his computer.
She drives like a New York cab driver, darting in and out of traffic and making obscene gestures at other drivers.  I've told her that, some day, some other driver is going to pull her out of the car and stomp her.  But she gets me there.
I don't know what I'd do without her.  She's been such a good friend, coming into my life later as she has, but we're bonded.  We have so much in common, and think alike on so many subjects.
She has been a God-send at Creekside.  She keeps things organised and picked-up, which is a great help.  I can trust her with money, and she has a set of keys to Creekside, so she can work without me having to be there.  She's good at finding things that need to be done.
John is still rather undependable, showing up when he wants to, and disapearing at other times.  I don't understand the mind-set that tells you that other people want to pay your bills and keep you up, but he apparently has latched onto it.  I believe he drinks pretty heavily, as he's been smelling of it lately almost every time he's been around.  He won't last long with me if that's going to be the case.
I saw Dirk and Riley Daniel at the garbage center last week, and Riley had a big hug for me.  She's a true darling, and so thin!  She's a bundle of energy, laughing and being fun all the time.  She has said that she wants to come and live with Miss Claire in Creekside when she grows up.  I'd like that, too.
She looks more like Lori than Dirk, with dark hair and eyes, and she looks like she would tan easily.  Dirk just burned and peeled when he was little.  The Daniels sure make good neighbors.
John came and cut the grass last week, and the yard looks much better.
Jaime Combs came and brought her mother, Dean, for a visit.  I was so glad to see them both.  Dean brought me a beautiful planter that looks like a metal cat with marble eyes.  I already had some cats with marbles for eyes, and that just ads to my collection.
Dean and Sam Combs have been such great friends.  Sam has a ribald sense of humor, and he and I get everyone red-faced and laughing every time we get together.  Jaime just rolls her eyes and grins when we get going.  I'm glad they came.  Dean is such a great mother, and I love older women, so she meets a need in me to see and love older women.  I love her, too, because she has given the world Jaime.  She is a great friend and adopted niece to me, always thoughtful and considerate.
Judy Lawson, my blood niece, has been wonderful through all this mess, too.  She goes to doctor's visits with us, and makes notes during the visit.  She is the busiest of Cecil's girls, but makes time for her old Aunt Claire.  I hope that Steve will not make trouble when I want to leave her something nice in my will.
I had intended to leave her my jewelry, which was of considerable value, but it's all been stolen in the house robbery last summer.  I'll be leaving her considerably less, but I want to give her something for all her goodness to me in my old age.  She's always been close to me, and she's always been my favorite.
Her father has gone back to his summer job, taking care of some camp ground, and now she has the responsibility of taking care of her grandmother, Opal Portwood.  She sometimes falls, and is becoming easily confused.  Judy told me lately that she calls her Cecil.  That's her mother.  It's sad to see such a goold old woman failing physically.  Opal was always so vigorus and healthy.  I've enjoyed many visits with her through the years.
I'd better mention Barbara.  She's covering the trials and travails of a bad judge that has been charged in federal court with 41 counts of mis-conduct and taking bribes, besides being the judge over trials of peole he was representing.  He's from neighboring Hawkins County, and is quite the scandal there.
His father-in-law is a minister of some large Baptist church there, and told his congregation that they would have to take him out of the pulpit if they didn't think the judge was innocent.
He might be looking for another job, soon, too.
Anna Vee Phillips called me last night.  She's always so up-beat and cheerful, asking all types of questions and giving me advice.  She's just an old-time country woman, and has a lot of knowledge about so much around this part of the country.  She lives a little further up on Cherry Street, but not too far from Creekside.  She's an old friend for many years now.
Her daughter-in-law runs Maples Florist in Rutledge.
I need to get off this computer and get to doing some work.

Friday, June 08 2012 AM sjw

Claire will have chemo. It's called FULFOX6.
June 14th - Doctor to put in a "port" used for IVs
June 18th - Visit new doctor to determine chemo schedule.
New doctor is in Morristown instead of Knoxville, much closer.
Chemo will two days once every two weeks for 6 months.

Now ya' know.

sjw